Many adoptive parents search out the finding ads for these precious early tidbits of our children's lives. The first photograph. The specific details of the day. The earliest recorded bits of our babies history that we can grab onto.
I did a little research last night and I found out how to search for finding ads.
Whoa.
This is staggering stuff. Truly a kick in the gut. It sucked the air right out of me. Pages and pages of children. All ages. Both genders. The number of children listed as "found" in any given province on a day to day basis will bring you to your knees. I will be completely honest, the babies didn't hit me that hard. I expected them. I had a dialogue in my head for the babies that I accepted. Not in the way that we accept things affirmatively. Like that's cool, that's a thing that happens. No. More like, after years of research and exposure I understood the dynamics of this sociological environment and how these choices were made when a child was born.
It's the older children that had my heart in my throat and made me weep. The look in their eyes. Blank. Pained. Bewildered. Scared. Just shell shocked. These children that know their parents, know their families but are now, somehow, alone in the world. Pre-schoolers through adolescents. What must they be thinking? As painful as it was for me to see, I can't imagine their pain. I can't fathom it.
I had to stop looking. I didn't find my girl. I got close to her finding date but I was so emotionally drained that I had to step back. I will take a break from it. I felt the need to pray. To seek answers. I wil go back to it another day.
I am actually finding great comfort in the adoption community right now...the Facebook posters that are excited about the new list, hopeful that their child is there, just waiting to be found. The ap bloggers in China with their gorgeous children, forever in families now. BTDT parents that are the cornerstone of the adoption community, willing to share their trials and tribulations, offering advice and encouragement. Everyone who advocates! THANK YOU! God bless you. Don't stop. You are awesome. I am humbled by what you do.
I have searched those ads too. The search engine Baidu was helpful if you know the child's characters of their name and other information. I was also heart wrenched at all the listings. But on my search, I became an advocate. That's what happened to you:) Once our eyes are opened we can't pretend to not know. It is a treasured service to God to speak up for the children who have no voice. tks for this post, love Tammy
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing that you felt the same way Tammy. It's true, these things can't be unseen. It's heartbreaking but a blessing at the same time.
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