Putting the Cart Before the Horse....

I posted this picture on facebook this weekend.

Seems innocent enough, right?

Well...I guess I got ahead of myself 

and caused some confusion for some people

because we got questions, lots of questions.

As most of you know, 

we fell in love with a little girl 

and we asked our social worker, our agency 

and the powers that be if we could adopt her and make her our daughter.

This would be in addition to the little girl 

that we were already madly in love with.

Our sweet Zoey.

We are asking to adopt two.

Sisters! How fun!

If you have read my blog then you know 

that when we inquired about this second child,

we were initially given an answer that we did not want to hear.

They said she had no file.

They said she was unadoptable.

We pleaded with our agency to advocate on our behalf

and they did.

Our agency got back to us,

they will make a file.

There is an asterisk, however.

The file may take months. 

It may not. It is at their discretion.

Our adoption of Zoey is proceeding as planned.

We are not delaying any part of our adoption process.

We are full steam ahead.

We are hoping against hope and praying feverently

that a file for our sweet 9 year old will be done expeditiously.

If we receive her file quickly (a referral)

and then we send our Letter of Intent to adopt her quickly (LOI)

and then we receive Pre-Approval to adopt her (PA)

before our family's file that includes our homestudy, USCIS approval

and all of our background documents (our Dossier)

gets logged in to the 

China Center for Children’s Welfare and Adoption 

(CCCWA),

then we can adopt both girls together.

Our Dossier should be logged in with CCCWA next month.

October that is. 

We need her file by then so we can adopt them together.

They are in the same medical foster care setting.

I don't know how we will fly all the way around the world 

to the very place where both girls are 

and only come home with 

one.

I do feel that we are on a path of great purpose.

I have tremendous faith that this will work out.

I am not without fear though I do have faith.

If you are the praying sort please join us in prayer 

that her file will be complete and come to us in time. 

Thank you for that.

So bottom line:

We did not get her file yet.

The folks in China are working on it. 

We do not have PA or any official assignment of her file.

We are not putting any part of our current adoption of Zoey 

on hold in anticipation of receiving that file.

We are hoping and praying that it comes in time.

We do have a trundle bed

as well as 

a set of matching shirts 

for two little girls 

that we hope 

to make 

sisters.

Why Orphan's Need Families...

I recently responded to a Show Hope request for bloggers that would like to help them spread the word about the orphan crisis. Show Hope is an amazing organization that truly answers their call to care for the orphan in every way imagineable. From providing direct care and lifesaving medical care to orphans right through to assisting adoptive families with fundraising and financing adoptions with grants so we can bring more babies home, Show Hope does it all. Please look them up and learn about their work. They have a presence on every social media network imagineable. 

My first blog assignment came to me in early August. I was to write a piece describing why orphans need families. I failed miserably at my assignment. I was in the middle of some dark water in my adoption process and I was trying to stay afloat. Unable to put my thoughts into words that made sense, I just didn't. I couldn't.  I had heard something that rocked me to my core. It really threw me off balance, made me feel as if the world was off kilter and I was trying to figure out how to readjust my equilibrium in this new space. 

I had heard it before. It wasn't the first time. I had tsk-tsk'd at it. Shook my head and remarked "isn't that awful" but I hadn't really felt it. It was never personal enough to truly hurt me. 

This time was different. 

This time, when I heard the word unadoptable, I felt all of the air sucked right from my body. I was dizzy with emotion. 

As I wrote in my last blog post, my husband Pete and I saw a 9 year old girl in the same institution as our 3 year old. When we saw her we had that moment. You kow the moment, when you are looking at a child for the first time and your heart recognizes them as belonging to you.  

Each of us, first seperately and then together had that moment. 

After much conversation, prayer, careful deliberation and more prayer we were certain that we wanted to act on our feelings. 

We have PA for one child and we happen to be working with an amazing agency that allows the concurrent adoption of two unrelated children under special circumstances and with homestudy approval. 

We did some homework and we were able to get her name and birth date. We gave her information to our agency and they went looking on our behalf. 

This is when everything changed for me. This is when the sweetest adoption worker known to man (seriously wonderful human being) had to deliver the news that affected me so deeply. 

This bright, beautiful nine year old girl had never had an adoption file and was unadoptable. 

Unadoptable. 

Contemplate that for a moment. 

Nine years old. No opportunity for a family to review her file and accept her as their own. 

An unadoptable child is not a waiting child as we know it in the adoption community. 

An unadoptable child waits to age out and be on their own in the world, without ever having the unconditional love and support of a family. 

As I read (and reread) the email delivering the news. I wept. 

"No. No. No. No. No. No." Played over and over in my head. 

This hurt. This really hurt. 

She IS adoptable. We want to adopt her

I struggled to find the sense in it all. 

There was no sense to be found. How could there be? 

We are a family falling in love with a child that needs a family. That makes sense. There is logical conclusion to that sequence. Removing the hope for adoption from a child throws a massive wrench in that logic. 

As is typical for me, sorrow gave way to anger. My poor husband donned his kid gloves and said: "So, that's it then, right? We can't do anything about it?"

After giving him my best Medusa impression, I thought about whether or not we can do anything about it. So I again reached out to the sweetest adoption worker known to man and asked:

"What can we do about this? Can we ask them to make a file? Can we show them that she IS adoptable because you already have an approved family that wants to adopt her!?!?"

And then I built momentum...

"This child is so bright and beautiful. Even if she were confined to a wheelchair, even if surgery were required to achieve social continence she can achieve spectacular things. She should have a full life and a family to love her, support her and cheer her on. 

We have done so much research. Our schools have wheelchair and ESL access at every age level. We have two handicap accessible playgrounds in town. We have a huge wheelchair athletic and extracurricular club organization in NJ. 

I prayed so hard that this was not going to be the answer we got."

AND 

that is why orphans need families. Every child NEEDS and DESERVES a family that will get them the best medical care possible, an education that meets their needs and challenges them intellectually, access to recreation that will help them develop their charachter and discover hidden talents, hope for a bright future where they can achieve success by their own definition, a safe place where they can stumble, fall, make mistakes and they will be loved unconditionally while they pick themselves up by their bootstraps and move forward. They deserve faith and hope, family traditions and knowing the joy of people that will celebrate their achievements great snd small. 

I let the pain of my struggle prevent me from answering this blog prompt in a timely fashion. 

Ironically, my struggle IS the answer to the blog prompt.

Right now there are over 140 million orphans worldwide. 

How  can you give them hope?