Putting the Cart Before the Horse....

I posted this picture on facebook this weekend.

Seems innocent enough, right?

Well...I guess I got ahead of myself 

and caused some confusion for some people

because we got questions, lots of questions.

As most of you know, 

we fell in love with a little girl 

and we asked our social worker, our agency 

and the powers that be if we could adopt her and make her our daughter.

This would be in addition to the little girl 

that we were already madly in love with.

Our sweet Zoey.

We are asking to adopt two.

Sisters! How fun!

If you have read my blog then you know 

that when we inquired about this second child,

we were initially given an answer that we did not want to hear.

They said she had no file.

They said she was unadoptable.

We pleaded with our agency to advocate on our behalf

and they did.

Our agency got back to us,

they will make a file.

There is an asterisk, however.

The file may take months. 

It may not. It is at their discretion.

Our adoption of Zoey is proceeding as planned.

We are not delaying any part of our adoption process.

We are full steam ahead.

We are hoping against hope and praying feverently

that a file for our sweet 9 year old will be done expeditiously.

If we receive her file quickly (a referral)

and then we send our Letter of Intent to adopt her quickly (LOI)

and then we receive Pre-Approval to adopt her (PA)

before our family's file that includes our homestudy, USCIS approval

and all of our background documents (our Dossier)

gets logged in to the 

China Center for Children’s Welfare and Adoption 

(CCCWA),

then we can adopt both girls together.

Our Dossier should be logged in with CCCWA next month.

October that is. 

We need her file by then so we can adopt them together.

They are in the same medical foster care setting.

I don't know how we will fly all the way around the world 

to the very place where both girls are 

and only come home with 

one.

I do feel that we are on a path of great purpose.

I have tremendous faith that this will work out.

I am not without fear though I do have faith.

If you are the praying sort please join us in prayer 

that her file will be complete and come to us in time. 

Thank you for that.

So bottom line:

We did not get her file yet.

The folks in China are working on it. 

We do not have PA or any official assignment of her file.

We are not putting any part of our current adoption of Zoey 

on hold in anticipation of receiving that file.

We are hoping and praying that it comes in time.

We do have a trundle bed

as well as 

a set of matching shirts 

for two little girls 

that we hope 

to make 

sisters.

Putting the Pieces Together...

Sifting through the information in a Special Needs file can be a daunting task. It is not easy to put aside emotion and dig in to the data before you and analyze. Many people utilize physicians and other health care specialists and get conflicting opinions or discouraging information that really makes it difficult to hold onto the excitement and move forward with confidence. First time parents really struggle with what they should be worried about particularly if they lack exposure to children with medical issues. The terminology is frightening. Growth curves, percentiles, milestones...it's a lot. Especially when you are looking at the beautiful face of a child and wondering "Am I your mommy?, Can I give you what you need?"

That being said, there are many tools available to adoptive parents to help them dig through the information at hand when they get the much anticipated file. I am talking about the info one has to know. The stuff that will become rote when the precious pumpkin is home and going to regular  doctor appointments, etc. I am in no way recommending that this info replaces your physician recommendations or usurps it in any way. I am saying there are tools available to really help you get to know your potential child's level of development and ability.

When a young child visits the pediatrician routine measurements are taken for height, weight and head circumference. These measurements are plotted on a graph and physician's watch for consistency and balance in the growth curve to be assured that the child is developing properly. Chinese children are relatively smaller than the average American child so when their measurements are plotted on the CDC graphs the results are often alarming.

The Magic Foundation offers many types of growth charts for different ethnicities and medical circumstances that you can use for reference. Additionally, a quick growth calculator using who (World Health Organization) data allows you to plug in numbers and it gives you a percentile based on global standards.

The next thing to comb through are development and any abilities that may be listed for the child. The CDC offers a chart and a printable checklist for developmental milestones that a child should reach by each age/stage of development. When working with this checklist keep in mind that it is expected for an institutionalized child to lose one month of development for every three months institutionalized. Therefore, when my referral for a 36 month old child came through I would be reviewing milestones up to 24 months old on the chart. If she exceeded that target it was a bonus. I did the same for older SOG (state of growth) reports in her file. If she had an exam at 18 months of age, I compare her abilities to the 12 month milestone targets and so on.

Important notes:
Information can be contradictory. You might get an update stating that a child is in therapy for poor gross motor skills with a video of the child walking and throwing a ball (with mastery.)
My referral had a statement that read "this child is unable to speak" but the boxes for "puts 3-5 words together" were checked off.
When the boxes aren't checked it does not mean they cannot do it. It probably means it was not observed. We had many unchecked boxes for things that we saw her doing in pictures and video.
Please also check the age when the exam took place. Do not be alarmed if you read that the child is unable to walk and simple math shows they are only seven months old at the time.
Some common sense needs to be applied.

This is especially important when looking at files for children with the very vague neuro diagnoses. For example Hypoxic Ischemic Encephalopathy (impossible to verify with an unwitnessed birth), Brain Damage Syndrome, Low IQ (no valid test methods exist for young children), Low Intelligence, Poor Brain Development, etc. These sweet babies require extra time and attention when their files are under consideration. The labels applied to them sound very intimidating and it is often difficult to find the supporting evidence for these diagnoses. You have to look past the labels and search for their abilities. Many of these babies have institutional delays that are normal under the circumstances in which they have been living. These are the miracle babies that come home and flourish with good nutrition and the love of a family.

My Most Frequently Asked Question...

How did you get a referral so quickly?

There is an undeniable current in the China adoption community that flows with the pursuit of mild to moderate special need girls that are as young as possible. I understand the flow. I do.

My husband and I have three teen boys. Two are the product of his first marriage. One is the product of my first marriage. We have not had a child together. We want to raise a child together and we want a little girl in the house. I have a step-daughter from my first marriage. She was eight years old when I became her step parent. She is now a beautiful, successful, articulate young woman that is planning her wedding and building her future family plans. Pete has never raised a little girl. He wants a daughter. I would have checked either gender on our application. I love parenting boys. I do, however, understand where he is coming from so we checked girl and girl only.

There is much conversation on the support groups about the slow down of referrals for these mild to moderate young girls. People compare agencies and report to each other who has more files with younger girls, etc. There seems to be a mass exodus to get in line for cleft lip/palate girls. (from my observation) Many people lament that they are waiting so long for a referral and indicate that they are open to many medical conditions on their checklist and they cannot understand why they wait. I am going to say something here that may make me very unpopular but if you are open to five or ten conditions on your checklist and you think that is a lot because you really wanted to be in the NSN program but that wait is just impossible so those conditions are a stretch anyway...you are going to wait. You are not going to wait as long as the children are waiting though. The children that are aging out. The little boys. The child with repaired Spina Bifida that is totally healthy with normal intelligence and nothing but potential. The child that is developmentally delayed due to institutionalization, that would flourish in a family. The child with Cerebral Palsy that would fly down the hall with a walker and some AFO's. They will wait much longer. Many of them continue to age out. Every week we see it. Advocates post with sadness that children have reached their fourteenth birthday and are no longer eligible for adoption.

I am not trying to be preachy or sanctimonius AT ALL. What this post truly stems from is many, many private conversations that I have had with the people in our fb support groups over the past few months. When I post that I had a referral in eight days and another adoptive parent I know had her referral in two weeks, people reach out with private messages and want to know how it was done. There is no real magic formula. I keep saying the same things over and over again. We were open to a lot. We were terrified (we still are), we did a ton of research, we had our hearts broken with each and every check mark. It was grueling. We sat with our computer, our iPad and two smart phones as we researched every single condition. We utilized blogs, No Hands But Ours, and support groups to see what life looked like when you had a family member with each condition, we looked up treatment, prognosis and management for each condition and verified that we had access to those services and we made choice after difficult choice. We prayed and prayed some more. After submitting our Medical Conditions Checklist we received an email back from the agency that said: So, I think it is a very  realistic checklist and would expect you will see a child over the next few weeks to months.  I reassured my husband that EVERYONE online is saying it will be  much longer and not to worry, we had plenty of time. Eight. Days.

What we said YES to:

Cataracts, Deafness, Ear Malformation-Microtia/Atresia, Glaucoma, Nystagmus, Hearing Loss Partial, Vision Loss Partial, Ptosis, Strabismus, Dextrocardia, Diabetes, Heart Condition Minor & Major, Thalessemia, Club Foot/Feet, Brachial Plexus Injury, Cerebral Palsy, Hernia, Hip Dysplasia, Hepatitis B&C, Abnormal Brain CT, Arachnoid Cyst, Brain Damage, Hydrocephalus, Sacral Tumor, Spina Bifida (Meningocele/Myelomeningocele), Tethered Spinal Cord, Anal Atresia, Failure to Thrive, Feeding/Swallowing Issues, Hiatal Hernia, Megacolon/Hirschsprung's Disease, Pyloric Stenosis, Hydrocele, Hydronephrosis, Kidney Condition, Eczema, Hemangioma, Lymphangioma, Delayed Development, Poor Brain Development, Premature and YES to Known Multiple Conditions.

 

 

We said YES to her.



 

 

The children are there.

They are waiting.

Find your child.

Do some research, serious research about each of the conditions on the list that scares you. Know your hard line limitations.

I am not saying anyone should bite off more than they know they can chew

BUT you might be able to stretch further than you realize.

 

Updates, News and Pictures!!!

Okay...who remembers the care package that we sent in March?

We tracked that package to Beijing and it arrived there on 4/5/2014. That's where tracking ends.
We never heard if it was delivered or if our sweet girl received any of her things. We asked around on our private fb group for families that have adopted children at the Rehab Hospital and the consensus was clear that children did not receive their packages until they were sent back to their home SWI to prepare for adoption day. That's months off. All of the wonderful people in the group were kind enough to note that packages and parties sent directly to the hospital via the third party providers in China made it through. There were a few recommendations and we chose to work with Ann at Red Thread China. Please look at her web site.She came highly  recommended and I cannot stress enough how happy we are with her service. Truly. She was very patient with our questions, she was helpful in determining which items we should choose and personally attended to every detail! I just love her! On Friday May 9th we sent payment for a Forever Family Cake Party. On Saturday May 10th I received an email that said "Happy Mothers Day" in the subject line. I opened it to see this:

 Could you just die? I almost did.

 Our girl LOVES her cake!

 So pretty in pink.

There is a 1:46 video but blogger is not letting me upload it. 

Basically, we see that she is a lefty! They keep trying to make her put the fork in her right hand but she transfers back. She has nice table manners. She is calm and very observant. She sticks up for her little friends! The little girl in yellow that is to her right had an empty plate and our YiMan got the Nanny's attention and got her some cake! Such a good girl. We clearly hear a man in the room calling her "YiMan" and she responds to it, so we know that she knows that name. 

Her motor skills and self care skills are awesome. 

We are so blessed!

Along with the cake, she also got this:

In the bottom right hand corner of this picture there is a jade red thread bracelet. It's one half to a mommy/daughter set. The other half is en route to me. I really hope they let her wear it and we will both have them on when we meet. The picture pillow is designed to help her get familiar with our faces. There is a translated letter to her and to the nannies. A flash drive with instructions for pics and files. A can of biscuits for the nannies and the panda's. So cute! I hope she gets to enjoy these things.

If that wasn't enough for ya' - there is a BONUS!

I randomly checked my email yesterday and saw a message from the Waiting Child department at our agency...WE GOT AN UPDATE!!! She is still at the Rehab Hospital. We got measurements, pictures and development updates! What we are told: She is 28 pounds (2 pound gain since February). She is 34.25 inches tall. (1 inch gain since February) We got our first foot measurements! We can start thinking about shoes!!! 12 cm (about 4.7 inches) sooooo tiny!!!  They say that she does not need a diaper. She can take her shoes off/put them on independently. Feed herself. She has three meals and three snacks a day and sleeps from 7:30 pm thru 6:30 am (but one of her snacks takes place in that time frame??? GeGe Peter just said that he can help her out with that! LOL)  She is introverted, has stranger anxiety and answers to YiMan or ManMan.  She continues to attend ST and OT. She puts 3-5 word sentences together. The best part:

 We are going crazy now! 

We really cannot get through this process fast enough!

Her hair is growing so fast!

(is that a P and an H on the mittens on her shirt?)

Kid's got a mean poker face!

She is going to give GeGe Taylor a run for his money with that stare down!

Seriously?

Can't stand the cuteness.

The face!!!!

We are so in love.

P.S. We are also playing the name game! 

Shhhh! Don't tell!

Fundraising Progress and Our Current State of Being...

We had a few big fundraisers over the last two weeks. If you follow along on fb you have seen the posts.

On Saturday 4/26 I did a vendor fair at my son's high school and on Saturday we had our first Garage Sale. We raised some money for our adoption fund and we are pretty excited about that. We got a few flat out donations and "keep the change" customers that really touched us with their generosity. In total we raised about $600. Our Fundraiser Thermometer is starting to move!

We met some terrific people. We had a banner with this blog name on it at both events and we handed out story cards to people that expressed an interest. We met people in our community that have been touched by adoption, that are interested in adoption and that support our adoption. We met a woman whose sister left the corporate world to start an orphanage in Haiti. So many people shared their stories and expressed an interest in ours. Many people told us that they will keep us in their prayers. We had a really great time. It fills your soul to have people from all different backgrounds be so happy and supportive and caring...for us, for our family and for our little girl.

We plan to do a few more yard sales. It was a nice way to enjoy the beautiful weather and get to know some of our neighbors. We owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to both of our Moms for staying all day and helping us out and to Michael for being there all day to carry things to cars for people, set up, pack up and he even made some sales! Very importantly we owe BIG to our friends and family members that donated items for us to sell! Christine, Tanya and Lu, Cathy and Gil we sold every donated item!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH for your generosity! Each of the people that donated to our fundraiser will get puzzle pieces with their names on them as they are all definitely a big piece of our journey!

Adoption process wise...it's a waiting game. We have paperwork pending, child abuse clearances are out and I am obsessively refreshing my feed for updated photos of Delilah or some news that she got the care package that we sent her. The hospital and/or the orphanage is under no obligation to take photographs or send us an update but many people do get pics and they are PRECIOUS! So we are hoping!

The Vendor Fair

 

Our First Yard Sale

Who is baba?

…or daddy?

When we first received her file both Holly and I discussed it over time while waiting for updated information but we already knew that she was the one. I have looked at her picture on my phone, on my desktop at work and at home on the iPad as well as on the refrigerator many, many times. I have watched her video again and again every day since we have received her file. I can remember every step she makes as well as all of her expressions. Holly picked up a sigh that she makes when she starts to walk and we both know this video inside and out. I had major concerns with the lack of smiling that I have seen but I have learned so much from our Facebook friends in the adoption community. So many people have generously chimed in with their own experiences. In the weeks that have passed I feel like I can imagine what she is thinking in her pictures. I feel like I have known her, then I realize she doesn't have a clue about who I am. She doesn’t really have the concept of parents or family, she hasn’t experienced it. We look at her photos and imagine what she is doing at the moment they were taken, where she is headed, what she is thinking... LOL We imagine that a little twinkle in her eye as she glances to the left might indicate that she is about to dart off after a friend that was in the previous picture but has left the camera’s view. She gazes so intensely at the camera that it feels like she is looking right at us. We feel like we know so much about her already from simply reading documents, looking at pictures and a quick video. It’s funny, although I feel like I know her and that she knows me nothing could be further from the truth. All of our assumptions about her personality might be completely wrong and of course she does not really know me.

Though, she may know my face…

Holly and I put our care package together and sent our photo's in a little book a few weeks ago. I so wonder what she thinks when she looks at the bald funny looking man smiling at her in those pictures. Does she smile like I do when I look at her photo?  Does she have any idea how much her life is going to change? I wish she knew how badly I want her home. I am so ready to have her here getting the love and attention that she needs and deserves.  

I want her life with us to begin RIGHT NOW. I worry about the day she will meet us. I wonder if she will want to be in my arms as much as I want to hold her. Will she be scared of me? I have learned that some children will go to one parent and not the other.  If she prefers one parent over the other I want it to be Holly that first day because I don't want her to feel left out. 

After all Holly can have that one day no problem and then I will get a lifetime with Daddy's little girl!

Great Little Guy...

Well. We have not posted in a while. We have a lot going on and we both feel kind of overwhelmed and underwater. Pete has been crazy busy with a lot of pressure from changes at work and of course that brings residual stress and those effects. I have had a huge reduction in hours as one of my routine patients has become critically ill and has been in the PICU for a few weeks. I am praying so ferverently for this sweet baby to be healed and whole. He has been through so much in his six months of life.

On the home front we have Peter, the oldest, wrapping up his first year in college. He is driving, has a job, lifting weights and staying busy in his fist year post high school. My guy Taylor finishing up his senior year in high school with prom, picnics, graduation and his last high school lacrosse season while simultaneously attending placement testing, orientation and uniform measurements in preparation for his first year at Mass Maritime Academy. The youngest (Michael) is wrapping up his first year in high school and getting ready for football next year. Freshman year was a huge transformative year for him. We are so impressed with all of our boys and so proud of all of them. 

On the adoption front, we are plugging through our homestudy and dossier paperwork. We have most of our references done. We wrote our autobiographies a few weeks ago. That was tough! 

Exciting news: An internet friend referred me to a film about someone that does missionary work at the hospital where Zhao YiMan has lived since she was five months old. There are a couple of documentaries about this couple and the work they do. I watched the films. I was floored. I will do a seperate post about that in a day or so. It really had a profound effect on me and I want to do it justice. Additionally, I would like to share the documentary video and for some reason I am having a hard time doing that on the mobile app.  

Now, I reached out to someone who knew someone, who in turn knew someone that works with our Zhao YiMan. I was not sure what to expect, if anything and much to my delight I awoke to a few new pics of our sweet baby enjoying a snack. She has a mass of shiny black hair on the top of her head and the back and sides are shaved. She looks like a little rocker chick. LOL. They are clear beautiful pictures that make me feel like I can just reach in and touch her. This breaks my heart because of course, I can't. 

I was told that she "is a great little guy" by someone that knows her and plays with her! PLAYS with her! Of course I had to giggle. There is no gender assignment in the orphanage system. They all have their heads shaved, they share clothes, they are often called by nicknames/pet names and Mandarin Chinese is gender neutral! He said "I always thought your daughter was a boy. Funny. I never thought to ask." This really made me giggle and warmed my heart. 

This Saturday we also received Delilah's finding ad from Brian Stuy at http://research-china.org 

I have blogged about finding ads in the past. I really wanted to find her ad on my own and I tried for weeks but I was going in circles. It's like a needle in a haystack! Her ad was in a small paper that never even came up in my baidu searches. I am so grateful for the service that Brian provides. This is a vital piece of YiMan's history and precious to us. We do not plan to share it publically. We feel that it's deeply personal and a tragic part of her life story. I do encourage all adoptive parents to search finding ads online. It is very eye opening and sobering. 

In closing, I just wanted to share one of the newest pics of our little punk rocker Delilah YiMan. Word on the street:  she's a great little guy! 

Doin' Work...

Well...it's adoption prep for days around these parts. It IS a labor of love but it is also a ton of work! We started out with a blog redesign. We went with a dynamic format to help our readers with a more user friendly interface. We sincerely hope everyone likes it!

We kicked off the puzzle piece fundraiser this weekend. The fundraiser had its own page! If you check out the navbar on the main page of the blog you will see a few interesting stand alone pages. One of them is all shouty caps with: PUZZLE PIECE FUNDRAISER. Hard to miss! We are so excited to get this puzzle put together and marvel at all of the awesome people that are on this journey with us! (Thank you!) 

42 pieces sold already!!! WOO HOOOO!

Next stop Trenton, NJ!!! We picked up some certified vital records in Trenton and we took them right over to the NJ State Treasurers Office to be Apostilled and I can pick them up Monday! We were excited to find out that they discount document processing for adoptive families!!! Everyone we dealt with was super nice and very helpful. 

We had a great evening at home. We worked on paperwork while we watched Frozen. LOVED IT! Let It Goooooooo! My new mantra!

eBay sales are really starting to pick up so we had LOTS of shipping to do on Saturday. Our postmaster is awesome but even with his help, I am still making shipping mistakes. I have to improve on shipping calculations so I don't eat up half of the funds we raise with errors!

After shipping it was Care Package Time!!!! YAY! I have been dying for care package time. We had a blast at Babies R' Us. Well...Pete was mostly nervous; I had a blast. He had a difficult time picking things out for Delilah Yi Man. He is worried that he won't know what she will like because he never raised a girl! I told him not to worry girls just want everything in the store like every other kid!!! You can't go wrong. Everything will be fine. LOL. I think we did well! We have a gorgeous bunny, a small photo book for babies, a super soft and cozy blanket, chocolate for the nannies, lollipops to share with friends and yogurt melts for the babies!

There is also a disposable camera. The hope is that they will use the camera to take pictures of Delilah in her daily routine and then return the camera to us when we go to China.

The photo album is the most important part to us. If she does not get to keep anything else, we truly hope she gets to have this. 

We will add an outfit and some clothing items over the next few days and we will ship before the week is over! This is so exciting!

I forgot to mention that Pete just had to throw in the Dallas Cowboys Beanie Bear (to the left of the box) for an extra personal touch! ;) I told him that he may never see it again but he said it will be worth it if we get a picture back and she is holding it. (plus he has two Cowboys beanies and she really needs to know about the Cowboys, right?)

While at Babies R' Us I was able to pick up this much coveted outfit that I have been wanting for Delilah. My cousin Melissa just picked this up for her daughter and I thought it was adorable, Pete said that I have to stop buying clothes as we don't know what her size will be when we actually bring her home...I keep trying to explain that if she stays on the fifth percentile it's predictable! He doesn't get it! I want to shop! ;)

I can't wait until next spring to put this on her!

Oh, we were also surprised with Delilah's first baby from her grandparents!!!! Bitty Baby arrived this weekend and she will be put away until Delilah Yi Man is home and can get her from GiGi and PopPop in person. Too cute! 

On Sunday we started to prep and organize our handmade items for sale for adoptio fundraising. Our neice Tiffany came over and helped us out. That was a lot of fun. We have a facebook photo album with the items that are for sale.

Well, this is my hubby at the end of a very long day. He is admiring our photo labeling work! 

yaaaaaaawwwwnnnnn

Time for sleep! 

Thanks for reading. 

Money Matters

What's that quote about "the best laid schemes?"

We had a great plan for paying for this adoption.

Fullproof.

Infallible.

heehee

I can almost hear them giggling in the heavens!

We thought we were going to save as we go.

Are you familiar with old school Christmas clubs, or the envelope system?

That's pretty much what we were going for.

Ten dollars a week for about 8 years...lol

Seriously though, adoption is expensive and absolutely worth every penny.

You have document fees, agency fees, travel fees. Fees to process your fees! (kidding, sorta)

We have paid our initial fees, we have gotten the ball rolling and there is no money due

RIGHT NOW. However, in a moments time we will be writing checks again and we have to make sure there is money in the bank to back them up! We have really super hectic schedules already so part time jobs are virtually impossible for us! We are utilizing the tools on this page to raise funds for our adoption. Our little girl has been living in a hospital since June 2011! We need to bring her home ASAP! We hope to travel faster than we originally planned.

We are trying to be creative; we have many ideas to generate extra income for our family.
Please check out our fundraiser page and see all of the different ways we are generating extra income for our adoption and travel expenses. Then check out our PUZZLE PIECE FUNDRAISER PAGE!!!
It's a really fun idea and all of the money will go towards our China adoption and travel fees.

Delilah Video!

Okay. This is our one and only video of our princess. We think she is about two here, based on the pictures and developmental info we have.

My two favorite moments are 7 seconds in when she lets out a big sigh like they are asking so much of her to have her cross the room. (Diva?)

...and of course the end when she looks up and it's eyelashes for days. 

L.O.V.E.

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT

What more could anyone want?
I have a beautiful wife who is my best friend.
My three boys that I love and adore are intelligent handsome young men.
My family is loving and supportive, as are my friends.
I have a great job.
Is there anything that is missing?

YES.... my daughter!

Holly and I met when our kids were young boys. We never had a daughter.

When we found her through our agency we knew immediately that she would soon be our child.
We have completed the preliminary steps and yesterday we got big news! The childrens welfare agency that is responsible for adoptions in China agrees!





They have issued our PA, this is a document from China that tells us and our agency that based on the current information we have provided with them and the plan we have presented to care for this child we may proceed with the adoption process! Her file is locked.

SHE IS OURS!

Without further delay, let me introduce you to my princess

Delilah Zhao YiMan Emory

3 years old and waiting for us in the Henan Province.

Boy oh boy...

http://youtu.be/5ijggNs2Ask

This breaks my heart into a million pieces. I love being a boy mom. I loved raising my son so much that I would happily raise ten more like him. Wooden train sets, scooters, hats backward and "pets" dug up in the backyard are all things that touch my heart and bring a smile of remembrance to my face. I wish I had the money and the space, I would bring ten home. This video is really well done. It truly captures the sweet stuff that comes with raising little boys. 

I know that this is not just a problem with children from China either. There are many studies that point to a decreased willingness, by adoptive families in general, to choose boys when given a choice. There are many theories behind this but whatever the reason it is truly a shame. So many people are really robbing themselves of the joy that comes with having a little boy at home. So many little boys are missing out on the opportunity to know the love of a family. 

If you are adopting or considering adoption please consider bringing home a little boy. From any country, via any program. 

A son for you. 

Think about it. Please.

Roller Coaster...

I know my last blog post was silly and superficial.

Excitement over dresses, the fun stuff...

I think I am officially on the Emotional Roller Coaster of Adoption now though.

I worked the night shift last night

and the solitude afforded me the space to drift into deeper territory.

We. Have. A. Daughter.

I. Have. A. Daughter.

I do not yet know the sound of her voice calling to me.

I have not yet had the pleasure of her little hands around my neck.

I have not yet had the privilege to comfort her,

to pick her up and feel her melt against me while I rub her back

and reassure her that

"I am here. I am not leaving. Ever."

I do not yet know the weight of her in my arms,

the smell of her sweet baby neck at bedtime,

the silky feel of her hair in my hands,

the joy of her giggle dissolving into laughter

or the salt of her tears as I kiss them away.

I know her face.

I know her name.

I know that she was placed very publically

on the platform of a train station when she was about four months old.

She was sick and she was small and she was cared for.

I know that I am eternally grateful, that she was so lovingly placed

in a place so public that she was guaranteed to be found.

I also know that she does not even know that I exist.

My baby girl is not missing me or waiting for me

or daydreaming about when her Mama and Baba will arrive.

She does not even know what that really means.

We, as parents, are not tangible concepts to her.

In fact, she does not know "family" in the traditional sense.

My heart is breaking right now as I think about

the emotional impact it will have on her

to leave the only place she knows

to come with us.

To come home to the place we are preparing for her

where she will be loved, nurtured, cherished

and she will be beloved.

I only hope we can make her feel that way.

I pray she will truly know what it feels like to be loved.

I pray that we make her feel safe.



Mini Update and FAQ's...

So, we did get an update from China on the little girl that was referred to us. We were very pleased with the information that they gave us. We asked them for updated photos, a video if possible and we also had a list of questions about her special need, her development, etc. We had a very emotional "ah-ha" moment and we hope to have some super exciting official news to share with everyone in the very near future! 

 So in the meantime I thought we would address some of the frequently asked questions we have gotten when sharing this news with friends and family:

When?

ASAP! Traditionally, the process takes 1-2 years.

We didn't go the traditional route.

We filled out a brief Family introduction sheet, a Medical Conditions Checklist indicating what kind of health conditions and a special needs we were open to and they had a file for us in 8 days.

Not a typo.

That's EIGHT DAYS!!!!

Soooo....if all goes well ;) we will have six months to complete our homestudy and assemble our dossier. After the dossier is sent to China it will be a few months for things to get logged in, approved and situated to start scheduling travel. We can be super fast and organized and maybe, hopefully bring her home by Christmas.

Say your prayers!

Why Special Needs? Why wouldn't you go for a healthy baby?

This is a no brainer.

Why get on a list for a child that is deemed healthy and wait years and years for a referral to bring our baby home when so many children are languishing in orphanages with very manageable health issues and their greatest special need is a family.

A child that needs a family.

A family that wants a child.

See? No brainer.

Plus, all of our boys would be special needs if they were to be categorized for adoption.

All three, and we happen to think they are awesome just the way they are!

 CHINA? Why not adopt from the USA?

This is a big one. We get this a lot.

The very smarty pants answer that I use when I don't feel like dealing with intrusive questions is:

 My daughter is in China so I have to go there. Sorry (shrugs). That's where she is. No choice.

In all reality this was not a big decision between us.

When we met, we both had adoption from China in our hearts. We discussed it the first week that we knew each other. It was, like, our second date. We didn't really discuss other countries much.

We already knew where we would find our little love.

Now, I just checked with my friend that rhymes with oogle and I got this:

It is estimated there are between 143 million and 210 million orphans worldwide

(recent UNICEF report.)

In my opinion, it doesn't matter what country they were born in.

There are too many children that need a family.

If you can subtract just one from the numbers above....do it.

Now.

Any country. Just do it.

If you need information about how to start the process (here in the USA or elsewhere) just let me know, I have TONS of info!

 Isn't it really expensive?

Yes and no.

The fees are pretty well regulated and you know what you are getting into up front.

We have the adoption tax credit that is now a permanent deduction which will help offset some of the fees after we bring our sweetie home.

There are grants we can apply for and no/low interest adoption loans should we need to go that route.

It is, however, a sort of pay as you go process. Which makes it somewhat more manageable.

There is a little fee here another not so little fee there. lol

Then, of course there are the travel expenses.

We will do lots of fundraising to try to avoid getting into massive debt in the process.

We have lots of creative financing ideas!

 Will you tell her she is adopted?

Blank stare.

Don't you think it's unethical that they are charging you for her?

Huge misconception.

There are fees to be paid for:

• A social worker's time to evaluate us, educate us and complete a homestudy
• Our agency to keep us organized, translate our documents, submit our documents and act on our behalf to facilitate the adoption
• Documentation, immigration, fingerprinting and background checks, visas, passports,travel, airfare, food, hotel, etc.
• AND yes a very nominal child rearing fee is paid to the orphanage that has raised our daughter up until this point and trust me, you could not raise a child in the USA for a few years for this sum. It is one of the smaller fees in the whole process.  





There are more questions but these are the most common.

The links at the side of this blog will take you to some great websites that you can get a lot more info from if you are interested.

We are actively raising funds for this now as it seems it will go a lot quicker than we originally planned.

• We are selling really delicious coffee from just love coffee roasters (link at the top right of the blog).
• We have an amazon banner at the bottom of this page that gives us a small kickback if you use that banner as a portal to do your amazon.com shopping. No extra cost to you.
• We have a fundly account set up.
• We are selling every single thing we can bear to part with on ebay.
• We are having a massive garage sale in April.
• We will be selling gorgeous handmade aprons from Scarlet Threads and handmade jewelry from Compelled Designs and...whooo! That's a lot for now!

Check back often for updates!
(and leave comments/questions we love them!)