Putting the Cart Before the Horse....

I posted this picture on facebook this weekend.

Seems innocent enough, right?

Well...I guess I got ahead of myself 

and caused some confusion for some people

because we got questions, lots of questions.

As most of you know, 

we fell in love with a little girl 

and we asked our social worker, our agency 

and the powers that be if we could adopt her and make her our daughter.

This would be in addition to the little girl 

that we were already madly in love with.

Our sweet Zoey.

We are asking to adopt two.

Sisters! How fun!

If you have read my blog then you know 

that when we inquired about this second child,

we were initially given an answer that we did not want to hear.

They said she had no file.

They said she was unadoptable.

We pleaded with our agency to advocate on our behalf

and they did.

Our agency got back to us,

they will make a file.

There is an asterisk, however.

The file may take months. 

It may not. It is at their discretion.

Our adoption of Zoey is proceeding as planned.

We are not delaying any part of our adoption process.

We are full steam ahead.

We are hoping against hope and praying feverently

that a file for our sweet 9 year old will be done expeditiously.

If we receive her file quickly (a referral)

and then we send our Letter of Intent to adopt her quickly (LOI)

and then we receive Pre-Approval to adopt her (PA)

before our family's file that includes our homestudy, USCIS approval

and all of our background documents (our Dossier)

gets logged in to the 

China Center for Children’s Welfare and Adoption 

(CCCWA),

then we can adopt both girls together.

Our Dossier should be logged in with CCCWA next month.

October that is. 

We need her file by then so we can adopt them together.

They are in the same medical foster care setting.

I don't know how we will fly all the way around the world 

to the very place where both girls are 

and only come home with 

one.

I do feel that we are on a path of great purpose.

I have tremendous faith that this will work out.

I am not without fear though I do have faith.

If you are the praying sort please join us in prayer 

that her file will be complete and come to us in time. 

Thank you for that.

So bottom line:

We did not get her file yet.

The folks in China are working on it. 

We do not have PA or any official assignment of her file.

We are not putting any part of our current adoption of Zoey 

on hold in anticipation of receiving that file.

We are hoping and praying that it comes in time.

We do have a trundle bed

as well as 

a set of matching shirts 

for two little girls 

that we hope 

to make 

sisters.

Sigh...

I have been a bit emotional lately. 

I joke and say that I am "paper pregnant" and it's "adoption hormones" but truthfully, there is a lot going on. 

Our boys are great. 

They are making tough decisions about their lives and exploring their place in the world and these are necessary though never easy growing pains. 

I dropped Taylor off at Mass Maritime Academy this past weekend. 

He is at orientation. 

Orientation is run boot camp style to prepare them for life in a regimental academy. 

It's very disciplined. 

I took his i-phone home with me. 

He is cut off from the outside world. 

We are allowed a little glimpse in to his new world as the school does an orientation blog with daily updates on the training of the cadet candidates. 

You can follow at:

http://mma2014orientation.blogspot.com/?m=1

Taylor is in 1st Company. 

This is a tremendous  opportunity. Admission was more selective this year than ever before. 

Between the blockbuster Captain Phillips casting light on the merchant marine life and US News and World Report naming MMA a "best value" in education, the admissions competition was tough. 

We are so proud of Taylor for making it in. 

Nevertheless, it was really difficult to drive away on Saturday. 

Harder than I had imagined. 

My stepdaughter from my first marriage is getting married to a wonderful man this December. We went to try on dresses at the beginning of the month and she looked so beautiful. She radiated in her final choice. Her beauty, from the inside out, was jaw dropping. Tears? Whoo! Her wedding day is going to knock me out! 

It was just a minute ago that she was twirling in special occasion dresses. When Betty was little that was how she judged a dress: by the swirly-twirlyness of the skirt. I can tell you that her standards have changed BUT she did get a fabulous skirt! 

Betty's hair and make-up trial. She is going to take everyone's breath away on 12/14. 

On the adoption front we are kicked in to high gear. Our homestudy is done! We are sending it off to the USCIS for processing, which usually takes 4-6 weeks. They will give us our biometrics fingerprinting appointment and after that we will prepare to send our dossier to our agency to be reviewed and hopefully sent to China! That's a pretty big deal in our world. The DTC (dossier to China) date is a huge milestone. It puts us in the fourth quarter! 

We have had a few emotional set backs. We realized that we will not, in all likelihood, have our dossier to China by 9/14. 

That is the due date. 

Our agency assured us that this is fine and they are prepared to submit a request for an extension on our behalf. This is a routine procedure and does not reflect negatively on us...but it was difficult to accept. 

We just really want to bring our sweet girl home. 

We also lost our SW right after our homestudy was completed.  

We became really attached to her and were looking forward to doing post placement visits with her but we do wish her well in all future endeavors. 

She was super awesome to work with and came in clutch at the eleventh hour to change our adoption approval to "two children."

And YES...

You read that right. 

Two children. 

Because:

We saw a little girl. 

She is bright, beautiful and super sweet. Nine years old. 

She is at the same hospital as our Yiman. We were each thinking about her privately and then found that we were both thinking the same thing.  

We couldn't shake the image of her. 

Our conversations of "too bad we couldn't" quickly turned to "why can't we?" 

Then Pete said the magic words every wife wants to hear "it can't hurt to look into it, just in case". 

Well, that's a done deal, amiright?

After speaking with our children and our extended family we spoke with our SW and we were approved for two! 

We got the little girl's information and gave it to our agency. They were happy to try to locate her adoption file. 

We started talking bedroom furniture, names, schools, doctors and treatment. 

In other words, we were in this. 

110%

That is, until we weren't in it. 

She has no file for international adoption at this time. 

She never has. 

Nine years old. 

I prayed so hard that this would not be the news I heard. 

Soul crushing. 

I wrote an impassioned plea to my agency. 

I begged to see if a file might be made soon. 

Even if not for us...for someone. 

She deserves a family. 

I am waiting for their reply. 

We are really having a hard time finding peace with this turn of events. 

So ready...

Preparing her space here...

There is something sacred about what we are doing right now.

We are preparing a room for our sweet girl.

Cleaning, painting, decorating and arranging...

Nesting.

It is so very special, so tangible, to clear a space in our home 

and dedicate that space to the little person coming in to our lives.

She had space in our hearts before we knew who she was.

Even before we knew her face or her name, 

we knew that we loved her 

with all of our heart and soul.

It is way too cool to walk through the house and see her door open. 

It brings me joy. 

I can't tell you how many times a day I open the door 

and just stand there, taking it all in.

***

I applied for my first passport in this process.

I have never left my country before.

The very first stamp in  my passport will come 

from our trip to China to meet our daughter. 

This dawned on me as I waited for my photo to print and 

I became so emotional at the Old Bridge Library.

Like....

heart palpitations, giddy, tear eyed and fast talking emotional.

The lovely lady that helped me was so sweet. 

She talked to me about the adoption 

and told me stories about her children.

She told me she would be thinking of us and keeping us in her prayers.

She is just one of many well wishers that we have  met.

We have met so many wonderful people throughout this process. 

I am so impressed and overwhelmed with the kindness of others. 

***

We joined a Secret Pal program in one of our facebook groups.

It works like a Secret Santa program...

we are given info on an adopting family 

and another adopting family is given our info. 

We send little gift packages to each other once a month until it's time to travel. 

We keep our identity secret until then. 

It's a fun way to pass time while we wait for the myriad of paperwork processes. 

We sent our first Secret Pal package in July 

and we also received our first Secret Pal package in July....

we loved it!

Thanks Secret Pal! 

;)

***

We sent another care package to YiMan.

We used Ann at Red Thread again. 

We just love her service.

No great cake this time!

We really hope we get a few new pictures.

The package includes some hair bows since her hair is growing out, 

I can't wait to see the little bows in her hair!

SO....that's what has been going on in the Emory's adoption world.

We are hoping to be DTC soon! 

(that stands for Dossier to China)

It is a huge milestone in the process.

It puts us in the homestretch...hurry up and wait time!

<3 br="">

Beautiful Chaos...

Everything is topsy turvy and upside down in our home right now.
We are wrapping up our dossier.
We had our last face to face meeting with our social worker on Friday.
She came to our house and she met the kids.
Our house was a mess! Total disaster.
She told us not to clean.
She said people with magazine perfect homes
and decorated nurseries at homestudy make her nervous. 

Ummm. Okay. 

Awesome.
She should have been wicked comfortable at our house then! 

Two days prior to her visit we started turning the house upside down.
We have a four bedroom split level.
Lots of stairs.
We moved Taylor out of his room on the lower level
and we moved Peter down to Taylor's old room.
Taylor and Michael will now share a room upstairs and 
the Princess will have Michael's old room.
We moved everything out of the other three bedrooms and
piled it all into the dining room, kitchen and second bathroom.
We ripped up tons of wall to wall carpeting, tackless strips and staples. 

We piled everything we no longer want on the side of the house.

 Ready for a dump run!

Then, this morning we piled Michael and all of the dogs into the car
and shipped them off to Grandma and Grandpa's house.
(Which is where we will be camping for a few days!)

The floor guys showed up to do hardwood floors throughout the house today.
Therefore, we are displaced. 

Now...before I go any further I need to clarify a few things.
When I say WE did all of this and that, I mean Pete. LOL.
My hardworking, stubborn, tireless, amazing miracle maker of a husband orchestrated all of it.
The boys helped with the heavy lifting.
I did what I could and worked around my work schedule.
Michael went above and beyond to be Pete's right hand man.
Michael rocked it!
Did I mention that Pete ran out and bought all of the furniture that we need in the middle of this??? AND
Our dryer broke and he handled that too!!!
He got it fixed (for now) and then went and negotiated a ridiculous deal on a new dryer!

I worked a twelve hour shift yesterday; he dropped dinner off for me and he looked so tired. 

So can I just tell you that I was moved to TEARS
when I got home and found that he also found time
to surprise me with this:

Step one in building a palace fit for our princess. I love this so much. 

I am so, so blessed. I know this. I have such a great guy. I love him so. 

We are getting super excited now.
Making physical space for this beautiful, amazing little girl
to come in to our home,
in to our lives
and to be our family
is so tangible and so real.
I have butterflies in my stomach. 

Stay tuned for nursery updates
 and in case you missed it,
I recently snuck in a post that we were playing the name game.
We may have a big announcement in the near future!
;)

Putting the Pieces Together...

Sifting through the information in a Special Needs file can be a daunting task. It is not easy to put aside emotion and dig in to the data before you and analyze. Many people utilize physicians and other health care specialists and get conflicting opinions or discouraging information that really makes it difficult to hold onto the excitement and move forward with confidence. First time parents really struggle with what they should be worried about particularly if they lack exposure to children with medical issues. The terminology is frightening. Growth curves, percentiles, milestones...it's a lot. Especially when you are looking at the beautiful face of a child and wondering "Am I your mommy?, Can I give you what you need?"

That being said, there are many tools available to adoptive parents to help them dig through the information at hand when they get the much anticipated file. I am talking about the info one has to know. The stuff that will become rote when the precious pumpkin is home and going to regular  doctor appointments, etc. I am in no way recommending that this info replaces your physician recommendations or usurps it in any way. I am saying there are tools available to really help you get to know your potential child's level of development and ability.

When a young child visits the pediatrician routine measurements are taken for height, weight and head circumference. These measurements are plotted on a graph and physician's watch for consistency and balance in the growth curve to be assured that the child is developing properly. Chinese children are relatively smaller than the average American child so when their measurements are plotted on the CDC graphs the results are often alarming.

The Magic Foundation offers many types of growth charts for different ethnicities and medical circumstances that you can use for reference. Additionally, a quick growth calculator using who (World Health Organization) data allows you to plug in numbers and it gives you a percentile based on global standards.

The next thing to comb through are development and any abilities that may be listed for the child. The CDC offers a chart and a printable checklist for developmental milestones that a child should reach by each age/stage of development. When working with this checklist keep in mind that it is expected for an institutionalized child to lose one month of development for every three months institutionalized. Therefore, when my referral for a 36 month old child came through I would be reviewing milestones up to 24 months old on the chart. If she exceeded that target it was a bonus. I did the same for older SOG (state of growth) reports in her file. If she had an exam at 18 months of age, I compare her abilities to the 12 month milestone targets and so on.

Important notes:
Information can be contradictory. You might get an update stating that a child is in therapy for poor gross motor skills with a video of the child walking and throwing a ball (with mastery.)
My referral had a statement that read "this child is unable to speak" but the boxes for "puts 3-5 words together" were checked off.
When the boxes aren't checked it does not mean they cannot do it. It probably means it was not observed. We had many unchecked boxes for things that we saw her doing in pictures and video.
Please also check the age when the exam took place. Do not be alarmed if you read that the child is unable to walk and simple math shows they are only seven months old at the time.
Some common sense needs to be applied.

This is especially important when looking at files for children with the very vague neuro diagnoses. For example Hypoxic Ischemic Encephalopathy (impossible to verify with an unwitnessed birth), Brain Damage Syndrome, Low IQ (no valid test methods exist for young children), Low Intelligence, Poor Brain Development, etc. These sweet babies require extra time and attention when their files are under consideration. The labels applied to them sound very intimidating and it is often difficult to find the supporting evidence for these diagnoses. You have to look past the labels and search for their abilities. Many of these babies have institutional delays that are normal under the circumstances in which they have been living. These are the miracle babies that come home and flourish with good nutrition and the love of a family.

My Most Frequently Asked Question...

How did you get a referral so quickly?

There is an undeniable current in the China adoption community that flows with the pursuit of mild to moderate special need girls that are as young as possible. I understand the flow. I do.

My husband and I have three teen boys. Two are the product of his first marriage. One is the product of my first marriage. We have not had a child together. We want to raise a child together and we want a little girl in the house. I have a step-daughter from my first marriage. She was eight years old when I became her step parent. She is now a beautiful, successful, articulate young woman that is planning her wedding and building her future family plans. Pete has never raised a little girl. He wants a daughter. I would have checked either gender on our application. I love parenting boys. I do, however, understand where he is coming from so we checked girl and girl only.

There is much conversation on the support groups about the slow down of referrals for these mild to moderate young girls. People compare agencies and report to each other who has more files with younger girls, etc. There seems to be a mass exodus to get in line for cleft lip/palate girls. (from my observation) Many people lament that they are waiting so long for a referral and indicate that they are open to many medical conditions on their checklist and they cannot understand why they wait. I am going to say something here that may make me very unpopular but if you are open to five or ten conditions on your checklist and you think that is a lot because you really wanted to be in the NSN program but that wait is just impossible so those conditions are a stretch anyway...you are going to wait. You are not going to wait as long as the children are waiting though. The children that are aging out. The little boys. The child with repaired Spina Bifida that is totally healthy with normal intelligence and nothing but potential. The child that is developmentally delayed due to institutionalization, that would flourish in a family. The child with Cerebral Palsy that would fly down the hall with a walker and some AFO's. They will wait much longer. Many of them continue to age out. Every week we see it. Advocates post with sadness that children have reached their fourteenth birthday and are no longer eligible for adoption.

I am not trying to be preachy or sanctimonius AT ALL. What this post truly stems from is many, many private conversations that I have had with the people in our fb support groups over the past few months. When I post that I had a referral in eight days and another adoptive parent I know had her referral in two weeks, people reach out with private messages and want to know how it was done. There is no real magic formula. I keep saying the same things over and over again. We were open to a lot. We were terrified (we still are), we did a ton of research, we had our hearts broken with each and every check mark. It was grueling. We sat with our computer, our iPad and two smart phones as we researched every single condition. We utilized blogs, No Hands But Ours, and support groups to see what life looked like when you had a family member with each condition, we looked up treatment, prognosis and management for each condition and verified that we had access to those services and we made choice after difficult choice. We prayed and prayed some more. After submitting our Medical Conditions Checklist we received an email back from the agency that said: So, I think it is a very  realistic checklist and would expect you will see a child over the next few weeks to months.  I reassured my husband that EVERYONE online is saying it will be  much longer and not to worry, we had plenty of time. Eight. Days.

What we said YES to:

Cataracts, Deafness, Ear Malformation-Microtia/Atresia, Glaucoma, Nystagmus, Hearing Loss Partial, Vision Loss Partial, Ptosis, Strabismus, Dextrocardia, Diabetes, Heart Condition Minor & Major, Thalessemia, Club Foot/Feet, Brachial Plexus Injury, Cerebral Palsy, Hernia, Hip Dysplasia, Hepatitis B&C, Abnormal Brain CT, Arachnoid Cyst, Brain Damage, Hydrocephalus, Sacral Tumor, Spina Bifida (Meningocele/Myelomeningocele), Tethered Spinal Cord, Anal Atresia, Failure to Thrive, Feeding/Swallowing Issues, Hiatal Hernia, Megacolon/Hirschsprung's Disease, Pyloric Stenosis, Hydrocele, Hydronephrosis, Kidney Condition, Eczema, Hemangioma, Lymphangioma, Delayed Development, Poor Brain Development, Premature and YES to Known Multiple Conditions.

 

 

We said YES to her.



 

 

The children are there.

They are waiting.

Find your child.

Do some research, serious research about each of the conditions on the list that scares you. Know your hard line limitations.

I am not saying anyone should bite off more than they know they can chew

BUT you might be able to stretch further than you realize.

 

Who is baba?

…or daddy?

When we first received her file both Holly and I discussed it over time while waiting for updated information but we already knew that she was the one. I have looked at her picture on my phone, on my desktop at work and at home on the iPad as well as on the refrigerator many, many times. I have watched her video again and again every day since we have received her file. I can remember every step she makes as well as all of her expressions. Holly picked up a sigh that she makes when she starts to walk and we both know this video inside and out. I had major concerns with the lack of smiling that I have seen but I have learned so much from our Facebook friends in the adoption community. So many people have generously chimed in with their own experiences. In the weeks that have passed I feel like I can imagine what she is thinking in her pictures. I feel like I have known her, then I realize she doesn't have a clue about who I am. She doesn’t really have the concept of parents or family, she hasn’t experienced it. We look at her photos and imagine what she is doing at the moment they were taken, where she is headed, what she is thinking... LOL We imagine that a little twinkle in her eye as she glances to the left might indicate that she is about to dart off after a friend that was in the previous picture but has left the camera’s view. She gazes so intensely at the camera that it feels like she is looking right at us. We feel like we know so much about her already from simply reading documents, looking at pictures and a quick video. It’s funny, although I feel like I know her and that she knows me nothing could be further from the truth. All of our assumptions about her personality might be completely wrong and of course she does not really know me.

Though, she may know my face…

Holly and I put our care package together and sent our photo's in a little book a few weeks ago. I so wonder what she thinks when she looks at the bald funny looking man smiling at her in those pictures. Does she smile like I do when I look at her photo?  Does she have any idea how much her life is going to change? I wish she knew how badly I want her home. I am so ready to have her here getting the love and attention that she needs and deserves.  

I want her life with us to begin RIGHT NOW. I worry about the day she will meet us. I wonder if she will want to be in my arms as much as I want to hold her. Will she be scared of me? I have learned that some children will go to one parent and not the other.  If she prefers one parent over the other I want it to be Holly that first day because I don't want her to feel left out. 

After all Holly can have that one day no problem and then I will get a lifetime with Daddy's little girl!

Great Little Guy...

Well. We have not posted in a while. We have a lot going on and we both feel kind of overwhelmed and underwater. Pete has been crazy busy with a lot of pressure from changes at work and of course that brings residual stress and those effects. I have had a huge reduction in hours as one of my routine patients has become critically ill and has been in the PICU for a few weeks. I am praying so ferverently for this sweet baby to be healed and whole. He has been through so much in his six months of life.

On the home front we have Peter, the oldest, wrapping up his first year in college. He is driving, has a job, lifting weights and staying busy in his fist year post high school. My guy Taylor finishing up his senior year in high school with prom, picnics, graduation and his last high school lacrosse season while simultaneously attending placement testing, orientation and uniform measurements in preparation for his first year at Mass Maritime Academy. The youngest (Michael) is wrapping up his first year in high school and getting ready for football next year. Freshman year was a huge transformative year for him. We are so impressed with all of our boys and so proud of all of them. 

On the adoption front, we are plugging through our homestudy and dossier paperwork. We have most of our references done. We wrote our autobiographies a few weeks ago. That was tough! 

Exciting news: An internet friend referred me to a film about someone that does missionary work at the hospital where Zhao YiMan has lived since she was five months old. There are a couple of documentaries about this couple and the work they do. I watched the films. I was floored. I will do a seperate post about that in a day or so. It really had a profound effect on me and I want to do it justice. Additionally, I would like to share the documentary video and for some reason I am having a hard time doing that on the mobile app.  

Now, I reached out to someone who knew someone, who in turn knew someone that works with our Zhao YiMan. I was not sure what to expect, if anything and much to my delight I awoke to a few new pics of our sweet baby enjoying a snack. She has a mass of shiny black hair on the top of her head and the back and sides are shaved. She looks like a little rocker chick. LOL. They are clear beautiful pictures that make me feel like I can just reach in and touch her. This breaks my heart because of course, I can't. 

I was told that she "is a great little guy" by someone that knows her and plays with her! PLAYS with her! Of course I had to giggle. There is no gender assignment in the orphanage system. They all have their heads shaved, they share clothes, they are often called by nicknames/pet names and Mandarin Chinese is gender neutral! He said "I always thought your daughter was a boy. Funny. I never thought to ask." This really made me giggle and warmed my heart. 

This Saturday we also received Delilah's finding ad from Brian Stuy at http://research-china.org 

I have blogged about finding ads in the past. I really wanted to find her ad on my own and I tried for weeks but I was going in circles. It's like a needle in a haystack! Her ad was in a small paper that never even came up in my baidu searches. I am so grateful for the service that Brian provides. This is a vital piece of YiMan's history and precious to us. We do not plan to share it publically. We feel that it's deeply personal and a tragic part of her life story. I do encourage all adoptive parents to search finding ads online. It is very eye opening and sobering. 

In closing, I just wanted to share one of the newest pics of our little punk rocker Delilah YiMan. Word on the street:  she's a great little guy! 

Doin' Work...

Well...it's adoption prep for days around these parts. It IS a labor of love but it is also a ton of work! We started out with a blog redesign. We went with a dynamic format to help our readers with a more user friendly interface. We sincerely hope everyone likes it!

We kicked off the puzzle piece fundraiser this weekend. The fundraiser had its own page! If you check out the navbar on the main page of the blog you will see a few interesting stand alone pages. One of them is all shouty caps with: PUZZLE PIECE FUNDRAISER. Hard to miss! We are so excited to get this puzzle put together and marvel at all of the awesome people that are on this journey with us! (Thank you!) 

42 pieces sold already!!! WOO HOOOO!

Next stop Trenton, NJ!!! We picked up some certified vital records in Trenton and we took them right over to the NJ State Treasurers Office to be Apostilled and I can pick them up Monday! We were excited to find out that they discount document processing for adoptive families!!! Everyone we dealt with was super nice and very helpful. 

We had a great evening at home. We worked on paperwork while we watched Frozen. LOVED IT! Let It Goooooooo! My new mantra!

eBay sales are really starting to pick up so we had LOTS of shipping to do on Saturday. Our postmaster is awesome but even with his help, I am still making shipping mistakes. I have to improve on shipping calculations so I don't eat up half of the funds we raise with errors!

After shipping it was Care Package Time!!!! YAY! I have been dying for care package time. We had a blast at Babies R' Us. Well...Pete was mostly nervous; I had a blast. He had a difficult time picking things out for Delilah Yi Man. He is worried that he won't know what she will like because he never raised a girl! I told him not to worry girls just want everything in the store like every other kid!!! You can't go wrong. Everything will be fine. LOL. I think we did well! We have a gorgeous bunny, a small photo book for babies, a super soft and cozy blanket, chocolate for the nannies, lollipops to share with friends and yogurt melts for the babies!

There is also a disposable camera. The hope is that they will use the camera to take pictures of Delilah in her daily routine and then return the camera to us when we go to China.

The photo album is the most important part to us. If she does not get to keep anything else, we truly hope she gets to have this. 

We will add an outfit and some clothing items over the next few days and we will ship before the week is over! This is so exciting!

I forgot to mention that Pete just had to throw in the Dallas Cowboys Beanie Bear (to the left of the box) for an extra personal touch! ;) I told him that he may never see it again but he said it will be worth it if we get a picture back and she is holding it. (plus he has two Cowboys beanies and she really needs to know about the Cowboys, right?)

While at Babies R' Us I was able to pick up this much coveted outfit that I have been wanting for Delilah. My cousin Melissa just picked this up for her daughter and I thought it was adorable, Pete said that I have to stop buying clothes as we don't know what her size will be when we actually bring her home...I keep trying to explain that if she stays on the fifth percentile it's predictable! He doesn't get it! I want to shop! ;)

I can't wait until next spring to put this on her!

Oh, we were also surprised with Delilah's first baby from her grandparents!!!! Bitty Baby arrived this weekend and she will be put away until Delilah Yi Man is home and can get her from GiGi and PopPop in person. Too cute! 

On Sunday we started to prep and organize our handmade items for sale for adoptio fundraising. Our neice Tiffany came over and helped us out. That was a lot of fun. We have a facebook photo album with the items that are for sale.

Well, this is my hubby at the end of a very long day. He is admiring our photo labeling work! 

yaaaaaaawwwwnnnnn

Time for sleep! 

Thanks for reading. 

Delilah Video!

Okay. This is our one and only video of our princess. We think she is about two here, based on the pictures and developmental info we have.

My two favorite moments are 7 seconds in when she lets out a big sigh like they are asking so much of her to have her cross the room. (Diva?)

...and of course the end when she looks up and it's eyelashes for days. 

L.O.V.E.

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT

What more could anyone want?
I have a beautiful wife who is my best friend.
My three boys that I love and adore are intelligent handsome young men.
My family is loving and supportive, as are my friends.
I have a great job.
Is there anything that is missing?

YES.... my daughter!

Holly and I met when our kids were young boys. We never had a daughter.

When we found her through our agency we knew immediately that she would soon be our child.
We have completed the preliminary steps and yesterday we got big news! The childrens welfare agency that is responsible for adoptions in China agrees!





They have issued our PA, this is a document from China that tells us and our agency that based on the current information we have provided with them and the plan we have presented to care for this child we may proceed with the adoption process! Her file is locked.

SHE IS OURS!

Without further delay, let me introduce you to my princess

Delilah Zhao YiMan Emory

3 years old and waiting for us in the Henan Province.

Telling my dad about the adoption

How do I tell him?

What will he say?

Will he be supportive?

Will he discourage me?

He would only be looking out for his son.

I feel I need to tell the story before I can tell you just how my Dad reacted to my telling him about my daughter that lives in China waiting for me to bring her home. This was a dream of mine forever, even before Holly and I met and although everyone in my family was supportive I was afraid that my Dad may not be. It all starts with his life.

My dad was one of several children that didn't grow up together. From what we understand he had two younger sisters, one younger brother and one older brother. I never met any of them; all of them at various times were put into orphanages or foster homes. My Dad did meet his youngest brother, but let me start from the beginning.

My father was in foster care since he was a baby. He lived with a woman that was being paid to raise him by his mother, Helen. This woman really liked my dad, but after a few years his mother Helen didn't want to pay for the care that my Dad was given. Why didn't his mother take care of him or any of his other siblings? She liked her freedom, she liked to drink and party. As I have been told, she lived a wild life. At the time he was two and a half years old and his mother made the decision that she would stop paying for care and place my Dad into an orphanage. He doesn't remember this. He does remember that over the next 13 years he was beaten, bounced from orphanage to foster home and back. Eventually, my Dad wanted to know why his mother would give him up. He never knew her because he was so young when she placed him in the system. After years of abuse he decided to escape; he was 15 years old. He ran away from St Mary's Orphanage in Valesburg, NJ and was on the run. He made it in the newspapers and after a short period of time was caught by the police while he was pan handling. It was not the only time he ran away. Previously he had run away from a foster home in Bayonne, NJ. He was beaten with a hanger in this home and obviously neglected. He doesn't remember eating a normal meal there; he only remembers that they fed him devil dogs. The foster mother never left the house and they told him that he was a paycheck. When he ran away he was looking for an escape as well trying to find his mother and some answers. Once again he was picked up and returned to the orphanage.

Since he had been trying to escape several times they contacted his mother Helen. She came to the orphanage; she walked in the place in all black with a veil over her face. She never greeted him with love, she just told him to stop making trouble. She took him out of the orphanage and made him come live with her. Although he wanted to go to school and learn, she wanted him to go to work and earn a buck for her. He was only 16 years old. After one month he just couldn't take all the parties that she hosted with all of the drinking. He left and found an apartment and job on his own. I cant imagine this! My kids are young men (or boys) Peter Jr is 20, Taylor is 18 and Michael is 14. None of these kids could survive nor would I want them to try. How did he do it?

My dad learned that he had a younger brother named Glen that was 6 years old at the time. Glen lived in a foster home in Newark near my Dad. He finally was able to meet Glen and promised him he would save all of his money from working at Bamburgers in Newark, NJ. He wanted to get his little brother out of this dirty apartment complex. It was his only sibling that he would ever meet. My Dad would frequently go to the apartment to see his brother. One night my Dad woke in the middle of the night in a deep sweat and just couldn't sleep, he had no idea why. Later that morning, while he was at work, his supervisor called him into the office to tell him that his brother had died in a fire the previous night. To this day my Dad has never gotten over the loss of his baby brother.

My Dad continued on his journey alone, finally meeting my Mom. While they were dating my Dad found out that his biological father lived near my Mom's house. He also found out that his father was a bartender nearby. Both of my parents went to the bar together so that he could finally get to meet his Dad. When they approached this man (my grandfather) my Dad told him that his mom was Helen and that he was his son. The man responded "please can we keep this between us?" He went on to tell my dad that his wife doesn't know and that he would prefer to keep it that way. How devastating is it that my Dad had a mother that never cared and a father that would prefer to keep him a secret? Eventually, his wife would find out and while I was a baby at some point he did meet me but shortly after I was born he passed away and never left a thing for my dad.

The woman that took care of my dad until he was two and a half was occasionally involved in his life. When he was a young man she had promised my Dad that she would be alive to see my dad get married. She made it and she was so proud. She loved my dad like he was her child. The night of the wedding she had a great time laughed and danced. She went home that night, went to bed and died in her sleep. She kept her word.

Throughout the years my dad never complained about his life. He never allowed my sisters or myself to speak a bad word about his mother. He continued to care for her until she passed away in the mid 90's. He is an amazing man. He never had the privilege to have an education, to have a parent (not to mention two) that loved him or cared for him, never shared a dinner with his parents, sat on Santa's lap as a child, never met his other siblings, never threw a ball with his dad, learned to use a hammer, have friends in school never was able to live the life of a boy. He became a man overnight.

We take so much for granted. 

When I told my dad about our adoption his response was: "That's great!"

My dad never had the privilege of an education like most of us and yet he is brighter and quicker than many. He is super excited and thinks it's perfect that I am doing this. After I told him, he watched me play with my Godson Thomas and kept saying "this is great" again. He had so many questions! He may have had even more questions than I originally had. He has been so engaged with the process and has new questions for me all the time. It was such a special moment that really is hard for me to put into words. I can't wait for us to have our daughter home and for my father to see her and to connect with her. 

I have been  thinking about my dads life, where it has taken him and where he came from. He knows that my mother saved his life and kept it all together for him. Before her, he never had anything stable throughout his life.

I have been wondering what my daughter might be thinking and maybe there was a connection to what my dad had thought all those years. I asked my dad what he wished for when he was in the orphanage. Did he wish he could be with a family? have his own room and toys like most kids? go to school and make friends or play a sport? He said he never thought about it because he never knew what any of that was. It all just passed him by. He missed so many of the wonderful things that all children should experience with their parents.

In looking at this situation I am even more eager to get her home. How devastating that a child doesn't know what it is to be loved by a parent? It is so upsetting that a child can be used for financial gain or worse. When my Dad was in the orphanage all of those years he wondered why he was there but had no idea about anything outside the orphanage. He had lived 16 years of his life not having a family and when he was out he didn't have one until he met my Mom. She saved him. She was the first person that would be family for him. Now I have a daughter that's waiting for her family and there are so many more children that do not have a family. It breaks my heart. This process cant happen soon enough.