Remodel...

I am making some changes to the blog tonight. I haven't posted anything in a long while. I am ready to catch up and I look forward to updating our family's story.
Stay tuned...

It's all about perspective....

Our Sweet Girls

That mop of shiny black hair on the left is Mary. She is teaching our Zoey how to say Mommy, Daddy and brother while pointing to our pictures in a photo album that we sent to Zoey. This is a screenshot from the video we received after sending a care package to Zoey. I worked hard to capture this moment because I absolutely adore the way Zoey looks at her in this very moment.

We have shared the story about the nine year old girl that we have been pursuing in addition to Zoey. The one they said was "unadoptable." We begged for the orphanage officials to make a file for her. She is adoptable! We will adopt her! THIS is the girl. This is Mary. Mary is not her Chinese name. I cannot share her Chinese name or any photographs that identify her until and unless we have approval to adopt her.

We made it very clear to our agency and to everyone we know that with two boys in college and a third almost there, we would definitely not be able to afford two trips to China. Our best hope of bringing both girls home would be in convincing Mary's orphanage to prepare her file very expeditiously. Her orphanage agreed to make a file and we prayed, prepared and prayed some more. We knew this was out of our hands at this point.

Well, we reached a milestone in our adoption process. We received our I800A approval. That is approval from US Customs and Immigration that says we are suitable to adopt a child from a Hague Convention country or in our case: two children. We are taking the steps to Authenticate our approval and when we finish that process it will be sent to our agency in Colorado. This will complete the dossier process on our end. Our agency will then triple check our documents, bind them in a file, translate everything and ship it off to China. We will finally, blessedly, officially be DTC (Dossier to China) this month. With this knowledge and bearing in mind that timing is of the essence in order to pull off a concurrent adoption, I asked our agency to check on Mary's file for international adoption. Our agency rep got back to me today and said it's coming along slowly and she will check back in a few months...few months???
We should be traveling to China in a few months.
I asked her what this means for our chance at a concurrent adoption.
She said it's not likely.
Not likely.
That's a punch to the gut.
Now what?

I told Pete. We were both devastated. I kind of sat here all afternoon steeping in my own misery and then I thought about a post that I read yesterday that was written be a sweet friend and fellow adoptive mom Nicci Scarborough. In the post she talked bout people who said they always wanted to adopt but could not afford it. I went back and re-read it. She said:

That’s a problem with perspective. If you look at it as though you ARE a parent of a child living in deplorable conditions, who yearns for a home, who desperately needs to be shown love in order to grow healthy and strong, if your heart tells you that you ARE a child’s parent and you’ve decided to see it from that angle, then how much money could stand in the way of you going to get your child? What would you do if your child was being held half way across the world? What would you pay to ransom him/her? What is that life worth to you? Would you say, “Darn, my child is living apart from me. I’m not sure if she’s being adequately cared for, but probably not. I just can’t come up with the money to go get her and bring her home.” What WOULDN’T you do if that were the case? What could possibly keep a parent from their child?

In answer to that. Nothing. Nothing will keep us from fighting for this file. Nothing will keep us from pursuing this adoption. We will do whatever we have to do in order to bring both of our girls home. Keep us in your prayers please. All of us. Pete and I, Zoey and most especially Mary.

Thank you.

Putting the Cart Before the Horse....

I posted this picture on facebook this weekend.

Seems innocent enough, right?

Well...I guess I got ahead of myself 

and caused some confusion for some people

because we got questions, lots of questions.

As most of you know, 

we fell in love with a little girl 

and we asked our social worker, our agency 

and the powers that be if we could adopt her and make her our daughter.

This would be in addition to the little girl 

that we were already madly in love with.

Our sweet Zoey.

We are asking to adopt two.

Sisters! How fun!

If you have read my blog then you know 

that when we inquired about this second child,

we were initially given an answer that we did not want to hear.

They said she had no file.

They said she was unadoptable.

We pleaded with our agency to advocate on our behalf

and they did.

Our agency got back to us,

they will make a file.

There is an asterisk, however.

The file may take months. 

It may not. It is at their discretion.

Our adoption of Zoey is proceeding as planned.

We are not delaying any part of our adoption process.

We are full steam ahead.

We are hoping against hope and praying feverently

that a file for our sweet 9 year old will be done expeditiously.

If we receive her file quickly (a referral)

and then we send our Letter of Intent to adopt her quickly (LOI)

and then we receive Pre-Approval to adopt her (PA)

before our family's file that includes our homestudy, USCIS approval

and all of our background documents (our Dossier)

gets logged in to the 

China Center for Children’s Welfare and Adoption 

(CCCWA),

then we can adopt both girls together.

Our Dossier should be logged in with CCCWA next month.

October that is. 

We need her file by then so we can adopt them together.

They are in the same medical foster care setting.

I don't know how we will fly all the way around the world 

to the very place where both girls are 

and only come home with 

one.

I do feel that we are on a path of great purpose.

I have tremendous faith that this will work out.

I am not without fear though I do have faith.

If you are the praying sort please join us in prayer 

that her file will be complete and come to us in time. 

Thank you for that.

So bottom line:

We did not get her file yet.

The folks in China are working on it. 

We do not have PA or any official assignment of her file.

We are not putting any part of our current adoption of Zoey 

on hold in anticipation of receiving that file.

We are hoping and praying that it comes in time.

We do have a trundle bed

as well as 

a set of matching shirts 

for two little girls 

that we hope 

to make 

sisters.

Why Orphan's Need Families...

I recently responded to a Show Hope request for bloggers that would like to help them spread the word about the orphan crisis. Show Hope is an amazing organization that truly answers their call to care for the orphan in every way imagineable. From providing direct care and lifesaving medical care to orphans right through to assisting adoptive families with fundraising and financing adoptions with grants so we can bring more babies home, Show Hope does it all. Please look them up and learn about their work. They have a presence on every social media network imagineable. 

My first blog assignment came to me in early August. I was to write a piece describing why orphans need families. I failed miserably at my assignment. I was in the middle of some dark water in my adoption process and I was trying to stay afloat. Unable to put my thoughts into words that made sense, I just didn't. I couldn't.  I had heard something that rocked me to my core. It really threw me off balance, made me feel as if the world was off kilter and I was trying to figure out how to readjust my equilibrium in this new space. 

I had heard it before. It wasn't the first time. I had tsk-tsk'd at it. Shook my head and remarked "isn't that awful" but I hadn't really felt it. It was never personal enough to truly hurt me. 

This time was different. 

This time, when I heard the word unadoptable, I felt all of the air sucked right from my body. I was dizzy with emotion. 

As I wrote in my last blog post, my husband Pete and I saw a 9 year old girl in the same institution as our 3 year old. When we saw her we had that moment. You kow the moment, when you are looking at a child for the first time and your heart recognizes them as belonging to you.  

Each of us, first seperately and then together had that moment. 

After much conversation, prayer, careful deliberation and more prayer we were certain that we wanted to act on our feelings. 

We have PA for one child and we happen to be working with an amazing agency that allows the concurrent adoption of two unrelated children under special circumstances and with homestudy approval. 

We did some homework and we were able to get her name and birth date. We gave her information to our agency and they went looking on our behalf. 

This is when everything changed for me. This is when the sweetest adoption worker known to man (seriously wonderful human being) had to deliver the news that affected me so deeply. 

This bright, beautiful nine year old girl had never had an adoption file and was unadoptable. 

Unadoptable. 

Contemplate that for a moment. 

Nine years old. No opportunity for a family to review her file and accept her as their own. 

An unadoptable child is not a waiting child as we know it in the adoption community. 

An unadoptable child waits to age out and be on their own in the world, without ever having the unconditional love and support of a family. 

As I read (and reread) the email delivering the news. I wept. 

"No. No. No. No. No. No." Played over and over in my head. 

This hurt. This really hurt. 

She IS adoptable. We want to adopt her

I struggled to find the sense in it all. 

There was no sense to be found. How could there be? 

We are a family falling in love with a child that needs a family. That makes sense. There is logical conclusion to that sequence. Removing the hope for adoption from a child throws a massive wrench in that logic. 

As is typical for me, sorrow gave way to anger. My poor husband donned his kid gloves and said: "So, that's it then, right? We can't do anything about it?"

After giving him my best Medusa impression, I thought about whether or not we can do anything about it. So I again reached out to the sweetest adoption worker known to man and asked:

"What can we do about this? Can we ask them to make a file? Can we show them that she IS adoptable because you already have an approved family that wants to adopt her!?!?"

And then I built momentum...

"This child is so bright and beautiful. Even if she were confined to a wheelchair, even if surgery were required to achieve social continence she can achieve spectacular things. She should have a full life and a family to love her, support her and cheer her on. 

We have done so much research. Our schools have wheelchair and ESL access at every age level. We have two handicap accessible playgrounds in town. We have a huge wheelchair athletic and extracurricular club organization in NJ. 

I prayed so hard that this was not going to be the answer we got."

AND 

that is why orphans need families. Every child NEEDS and DESERVES a family that will get them the best medical care possible, an education that meets their needs and challenges them intellectually, access to recreation that will help them develop their charachter and discover hidden talents, hope for a bright future where they can achieve success by their own definition, a safe place where they can stumble, fall, make mistakes and they will be loved unconditionally while they pick themselves up by their bootstraps and move forward. They deserve faith and hope, family traditions and knowing the joy of people that will celebrate their achievements great snd small. 

I let the pain of my struggle prevent me from answering this blog prompt in a timely fashion. 

Ironically, my struggle IS the answer to the blog prompt.

Right now there are over 140 million orphans worldwide. 

How  can you give them hope?

The name on her door...

Someone has a new bedroom.

I bet you could guess who.

 if you knew her name!

;)

Watch 'til the end...

We have been anxious 

to make the perfect little space 

for the little girl

that has occupied our hearts 

for so long now.

We still have some

more work to do.

We need new closet doors, 

an area rug, 

closet organizers 

and lots of toys....

It's a great start though.

We quite literally woke up one day 

and said "lets do her bedroom."

(you can verify the spontaneity

 with my bed head 

and Pete's flashy AC*DC pajama pants!)

We are so happy that we did it.

We open the door and imagine 

our little girl enjoying the space 

that we created for her.

Yes. We cry.

All of the time.

 BIG FAT tears of joy and anticipation 

and gratitude.


the video on you tube (if you don't have flash)

Sigh...

I have been a bit emotional lately. 

I joke and say that I am "paper pregnant" and it's "adoption hormones" but truthfully, there is a lot going on. 

Our boys are great. 

They are making tough decisions about their lives and exploring their place in the world and these are necessary though never easy growing pains. 

I dropped Taylor off at Mass Maritime Academy this past weekend. 

He is at orientation. 

Orientation is run boot camp style to prepare them for life in a regimental academy. 

It's very disciplined. 

I took his i-phone home with me. 

He is cut off from the outside world. 

We are allowed a little glimpse in to his new world as the school does an orientation blog with daily updates on the training of the cadet candidates. 

You can follow at:

http://mma2014orientation.blogspot.com/?m=1

Taylor is in 1st Company. 

This is a tremendous  opportunity. Admission was more selective this year than ever before. 

Between the blockbuster Captain Phillips casting light on the merchant marine life and US News and World Report naming MMA a "best value" in education, the admissions competition was tough. 

We are so proud of Taylor for making it in. 

Nevertheless, it was really difficult to drive away on Saturday. 

Harder than I had imagined. 

My stepdaughter from my first marriage is getting married to a wonderful man this December. We went to try on dresses at the beginning of the month and she looked so beautiful. She radiated in her final choice. Her beauty, from the inside out, was jaw dropping. Tears? Whoo! Her wedding day is going to knock me out! 

It was just a minute ago that she was twirling in special occasion dresses. When Betty was little that was how she judged a dress: by the swirly-twirlyness of the skirt. I can tell you that her standards have changed BUT she did get a fabulous skirt! 

Betty's hair and make-up trial. She is going to take everyone's breath away on 12/14. 

On the adoption front we are kicked in to high gear. Our homestudy is done! We are sending it off to the USCIS for processing, which usually takes 4-6 weeks. They will give us our biometrics fingerprinting appointment and after that we will prepare to send our dossier to our agency to be reviewed and hopefully sent to China! That's a pretty big deal in our world. The DTC (dossier to China) date is a huge milestone. It puts us in the fourth quarter! 

We have had a few emotional set backs. We realized that we will not, in all likelihood, have our dossier to China by 9/14. 

That is the due date. 

Our agency assured us that this is fine and they are prepared to submit a request for an extension on our behalf. This is a routine procedure and does not reflect negatively on us...but it was difficult to accept. 

We just really want to bring our sweet girl home. 

We also lost our SW right after our homestudy was completed.  

We became really attached to her and were looking forward to doing post placement visits with her but we do wish her well in all future endeavors. 

She was super awesome to work with and came in clutch at the eleventh hour to change our adoption approval to "two children."

And YES...

You read that right. 

Two children. 

Because:

We saw a little girl. 

She is bright, beautiful and super sweet. Nine years old. 

She is at the same hospital as our Yiman. We were each thinking about her privately and then found that we were both thinking the same thing.  

We couldn't shake the image of her. 

Our conversations of "too bad we couldn't" quickly turned to "why can't we?" 

Then Pete said the magic words every wife wants to hear "it can't hurt to look into it, just in case". 

Well, that's a done deal, amiright?

After speaking with our children and our extended family we spoke with our SW and we were approved for two! 

We got the little girl's information and gave it to our agency. They were happy to try to locate her adoption file. 

We started talking bedroom furniture, names, schools, doctors and treatment. 

In other words, we were in this. 

110%

That is, until we weren't in it. 

She has no file for international adoption at this time. 

She never has. 

Nine years old. 

I prayed so hard that this would not be the news I heard. 

Soul crushing. 

I wrote an impassioned plea to my agency. 

I begged to see if a file might be made soon. 

Even if not for us...for someone. 

She deserves a family. 

I am waiting for their reply. 

We are really having a hard time finding peace with this turn of events. 

So ready...

Preparing her space here...

There is something sacred about what we are doing right now.

We are preparing a room for our sweet girl.

Cleaning, painting, decorating and arranging...

Nesting.

It is so very special, so tangible, to clear a space in our home 

and dedicate that space to the little person coming in to our lives.

She had space in our hearts before we knew who she was.

Even before we knew her face or her name, 

we knew that we loved her 

with all of our heart and soul.

It is way too cool to walk through the house and see her door open. 

It brings me joy. 

I can't tell you how many times a day I open the door 

and just stand there, taking it all in.

***

I applied for my first passport in this process.

I have never left my country before.

The very first stamp in  my passport will come 

from our trip to China to meet our daughter. 

This dawned on me as I waited for my photo to print and 

I became so emotional at the Old Bridge Library.

Like....

heart palpitations, giddy, tear eyed and fast talking emotional.

The lovely lady that helped me was so sweet. 

She talked to me about the adoption 

and told me stories about her children.

She told me she would be thinking of us and keeping us in her prayers.

She is just one of many well wishers that we have  met.

We have met so many wonderful people throughout this process. 

I am so impressed and overwhelmed with the kindness of others. 

***

We joined a Secret Pal program in one of our facebook groups.

It works like a Secret Santa program...

we are given info on an adopting family 

and another adopting family is given our info. 

We send little gift packages to each other once a month until it's time to travel. 

We keep our identity secret until then. 

It's a fun way to pass time while we wait for the myriad of paperwork processes. 

We sent our first Secret Pal package in July 

and we also received our first Secret Pal package in July....

we loved it!

Thanks Secret Pal! 

;)

***

We sent another care package to YiMan.

We used Ann at Red Thread again. 

We just love her service.

No great cake this time!

We really hope we get a few new pictures.

The package includes some hair bows since her hair is growing out, 

I can't wait to see the little bows in her hair!

SO....that's what has been going on in the Emory's adoption world.

We are hoping to be DTC soon! 

(that stands for Dossier to China)

It is a huge milestone in the process.

It puts us in the homestretch...hurry up and wait time!

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