I recently responded to a Show Hope request for bloggers that would like to help them spread the word about the orphan crisis. Show Hope is an amazing organization that truly answers their call to care for the orphan in every way imagineable. From providing direct care and lifesaving medical care to orphans right through to assisting adoptive families with fundraising and financing adoptions with grants so we can bring more babies home, Show Hope does it all. Please look them up and learn about their work. They have a presence on every social media network imagineable.
My first blog assignment came to me in early August. I was to write a piece describing why orphans need families. I failed miserably at my assignment. I was in the middle of some dark water in my adoption process and I was trying to stay afloat. Unable to put my thoughts into words that made sense, I just didn't. I couldn't. I had heard something that rocked me to my core. It really threw me off balance, made me feel as if the world was off kilter and I was trying to figure out how to readjust my equilibrium in this new space.
I had heard it before. It wasn't the first time. I had tsk-tsk'd at it. Shook my head and remarked "isn't that awful" but I hadn't really felt it. It was never personal enough to truly hurt me.
This time was different.
This time, when I heard the word unadoptable, I felt all of the air sucked right from my body. I was dizzy with emotion.
As I wrote in my last blog post, my husband Pete and I saw a 9 year old girl in the same institution as our 3 year old. When we saw her we had that moment. You kow the moment, when you are looking at a child for the first time and your heart recognizes them as belonging to you.
Each of us, first seperately and then together had that moment.
After much conversation, prayer, careful deliberation and more prayer we were certain that we wanted to act on our feelings.
We have PA for one child and we happen to be working with an amazing agency that allows the concurrent adoption of two unrelated children under special circumstances and with homestudy approval.
We did some homework and we were able to get her name and birth date. We gave her information to our agency and they went looking on our behalf.
This is when everything changed for me. This is when the sweetest adoption worker known to man (seriously wonderful human being) had to deliver the news that affected me so deeply.
This bright, beautiful nine year old girl had never had an adoption file and was unadoptable.
Unadoptable.
Contemplate that for a moment.
Nine years old. No opportunity for a family to review her file and accept her as their own.
An unadoptable child is not a waiting child as we know it in the adoption community.
An unadoptable child waits to age out and be on their own in the world, without ever having the unconditional love and support of a family.
As I read (and reread) the email delivering the news. I wept.
"No. No. No. No. No. No." Played over and over in my head.
This hurt. This really hurt.
She IS adoptable. We want to adopt her
I struggled to find the sense in it all.
There was no sense to be found. How could there be?
We are a family falling in love with a child that needs a family. That makes sense. There is logical conclusion to that sequence. Removing the hope for adoption from a child throws a massive wrench in that logic.
As is typical for me, sorrow gave way to anger. My poor husband donned his kid gloves and said: "So, that's it then, right? We can't do anything about it?"
After giving him my best Medusa impression, I thought about whether or not we can do anything about it. So I again reached out to the sweetest adoption worker known to man and asked:
"What can we do about this? Can we ask them to make a file? Can we show them that she IS adoptable because you already have an approved family that wants to adopt her!?!?"
And then I built momentum...
"This child is so bright and beautiful. Even if she were confined to a wheelchair, even if surgery were required to achieve social continence she can achieve spectacular things. She should have a full life and a family to love her, support her and cheer her on.
We have done so much research. Our schools have wheelchair and ESL access at every age level. We have two handicap accessible playgrounds in town. We have a huge wheelchair athletic and extracurricular club organization in NJ.
I prayed so hard that this was not going to be the answer we got."
AND
that is why orphans need families. Every child NEEDS and DESERVES a family that will get them the best medical care possible, an education that meets their needs and challenges them intellectually, access to recreation that will help them develop their charachter and discover hidden talents, hope for a bright future where they can achieve success by their own definition, a safe place where they can stumble, fall, make mistakes and they will be loved unconditionally while they pick themselves up by their bootstraps and move forward. They deserve faith and hope, family traditions and knowing the joy of people that will celebrate their achievements great snd small.
I let the pain of my struggle prevent me from answering this blog prompt in a timely fashion.
Ironically, my struggle IS the answer to the blog prompt.
Right now there are over 140 million orphans worldwide.
How can you give them hope?
